It’s long be said that truth is stranger than fiction and never has then been more real than in the case of wedding speeches. Year after year, clangers continue to be dropped and sadly, weddings are recalled long after the event not for the celebration of love but for ‘the guy who said…’. Don’t be that guy! What am I talking about? Read on my friends and learn from the mistakes of others…
1) My friend’s dad is a straight talking kind of a guy and lived up to his reputation during this father-of-the-bride speech when he looked at the groom and without a hint of smile said: stop playing with that Xbox and play with something else because I want grandchildren.
2) At my cousin’s wedding, the Best Man somewhat misjudged the audience when he said: “I’m more pleased for Ian today than that time he had a threesome with two nurses.” The silence was defining
3) I attended a wedding where the groom (of all people) made an awful attempt at humour by saying: ‘and now we’re married, the beatings start!’ I was there but still can’t quite believe it happened!
4) I was working at a wedding as a waiter one time and could have heard a pin drop when the best man said: “Pete doesn’t have any skeletons in his closet – and I’m not talking about necrophilia, don’t worry Granny.”
5) My brother’s best man used the name of the Groom’s ex-wife’s instead of the bride’s throughout his speech. Couldn’t have been more awkward.
6) Worst best man’s speech? How about this opening line…”What can I say about our Bobby? He’s a tw*t”.
7) I went to a friends wedding where the brides father did entire speech in metaphor. No one understood a thing he meant. A could have been in another language and made more sense. Very awkward silence before faked applause
8) I know a best man who joked about taking the bridesmaid home, forgetting she was only 12.
9) At our wedding my 19 year old son gave me away and made a point of saying in his speech ‘My mother’s never looked lovelier than she does today…though of course the hair and make-up do help’
10) My stepson was my husbands best man and he said he’d looked for tips on what a best man’s speech should include ‘and it seems that details of the grooms past sexual adventures may feature…which is a bit weird for me seeing as I was a product of one of them’
11) We were considering having our wedding in Greece but decided against it. The best man wanted to make a joke of it by saying he was disappointed as it would have been ideal time for the men to take their wives up the Acropolis!
12) I felt very sorry for our Best Man at our wedding. He was super nervous about doing it and taken on board a few drinks to take the edge off. Sensibly, or so he thought, he read out his speech to the people at his table to practice and calm himself down. What he didn’t realise is that when he put it back in his pocket it was on the final page. When he took it out to read in front of everyone for real it was still on page 3… He didn’t realise at first and started to read. When he DID realise he declared loudly ‘sh*t I’ve started at the wrong bit *huff* well I’ve f****d that up haven’t I’…
13) At my brother-in-law’s wedding, the maid of honour said that she had “warned” the bride “not to marry Dennis, but she went ahead and married him anyway…so I hope it works out…”